Death by Coupon

It will be somewhere in my obituary.  “She died trying to redeem a coupon”.

back pain

The body ages; the mind refuses to recognize its limitations.

It happens to me all the time. I never learn.

The latest involves a $1. off coupon for a case of spring water.

It was a pretty typical morning. I like to walk early now that warmer weather has arrived. I often end up somewhere near a farmer’s market, mall, grocery or big box store, etc. and duck in to pick up an item or two before heading home.

This time, I was packing a coupon that was to expire the same day.. bonus pack, 38  half- liter bottles of my favorite water. There were 2 cases left, both on the very bottom shelf. I was pushing one of those smaller carts, with a high basket.



Too little, too late.

I did pause for a few seconds. Do I call home for help ? This was a great item, already on sale; the coupon just sweetened the deal. Would there be any left if I didn’t take it now ? Did I mention that I hate rain checks ??

I knew it would be heavy, I’ve done it before. I’m in pretty good shape.  Strike 1.

I am cheap. This was a good deal. I needed the water.     Strike 2.

It might take a slight twisting motion. But, if I just get it wedged into this basket, I can scan it with one of those check-out wands, so I’ll only have to lift it once more to get it into my car.     Strike 3.

Two days later, I am sitting here on a heated, vibrating cushion; unable to find a comfortable sleep position, nursing a strained back muscle, sucking down Doan’s Pills and chasing them with some of that  f#*!*#*  water.  You’re Out.

It is sadly not my first coupon-related injury. No doubt, it will not be my last.

Someone needs to take away my scissors.

This entry was posted in Exercise, Health Issues, Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

130 Responses to Death by Coupon

  1. Ann Koplow says:

    As long as somebody doesn’t take away your blogging keyboard, I’m okay.

  2. As long as there’s a coupon for the funeral service, you’ll be okay! Cracked up from this post. Thanks!

  3. George says:

    Lol….I understand completely. Our minds tell us we can but out bodies laugh when we follow through with our thoughts. Hope you feel better soon.

    • Oh, George, I’ve just presented the tip of that iceberg, I’m afraid. We are supposed to get wiser with age, no ?? I’ve done this same twist/bend motion takes several days, but it does improve.

  4. I feel bad for chortling when you are in pain. I’m not a coupon nut and tend to only use them if it was something I was going to buy anyway and so far no couponing injuries. I consider myself warned.

    • Chortle away, Laura, it helps me to ignore the discomfort ! I used to keep one of those purse file things full of coupons. Mostly, it was an exercise in Cut, Sort, Check for expiration date, Trash. Not worth the time ! 😵

      • I think people make a hobby of it and can then be successful. I once saw someone pay $18 for a trolley full of groceries.

      • I’ve seen that too, Laura, and while impressive at first glance, most of those items are not things I’d purchase anyway. There’s a method to that coupon madness ! Van

      • Precisely! I cook almost all of our meals from scratch using fresh ingredients and there’s rarely a coupon for those. I also find buying generic is still cheaper than buying a brand name with a coupon. I think maybe I’m too thrifty for couponing. 😀

      • So true, Laura. I cook/eat the way my family did… buy quality stuff from good sources and do it yourself. There are no pretty colorful boxes in my freezer; I avoid processed foods at all cost. Those, and household cleaning products (that do no better than vinegar and lemon), are where the bulk of coupons focus. Like you, I’m not buying ! ☺

      • writerinsoul says:

        Yes, but there’s that GLORIOUS moment when a sale and an unexpired, relevant coupon come together in harmony to result in a collaboration of endorphin-rushing savings and it all seems worthwhile. [Happy sigh…]

      • Thank you. So glad I’m not alone. I get that endorphin rush. Here’s one..You need to spend $50. in groceries to get double rewards coupons (to apply to gas purchase). There are also bonus coupons for discounts on assorted items, but you can’t calculate them into your total to reach $50. Your check out receipt: $ 50.32. How can you not get excited ?? We’re only human. ☺

      • writerinsoul says:

        Be still my palpitating heart! You know where I really get my thrills now? Amazon. Between price fluctuations, Warehouse deals and unexpected online coupons, I’m a busy, calculating girl. CA-ching.

      • My daughter buys most things on line. The UPS man has become a familiar friend. She also returns a lot…so there’s that. ???

      • writerinsoul says:

        It took me a loooong time to go online. I exclusively use gift cards to buy (Amazon’s have no extra charge). I also send bad stuff back.

  5. Victo Dolore says:

    Oh, that is awful! (Still, score on the coupon!)

  6. writerinsoul says:

    Ahaha! So well-told, Van! A woman after my own heart. “….chasing them with some of that f#*!*#* water. You’re Out.” = hilarious!

  7. Err. Back pain is a pain. But now you have a great excuse to blog all day!

    • Not sure, Diana, it’s hard to get comfortable sitting. I’ve been fussing around my kitchen all morning. Dinner will be great, though, a bonus of being trapped indoors ! Baked a bundt cake, cleaned fresh strawberries, prepped some chicken parts for BBQ, made potato salad. All before 10 a.m. Will need a nap soon. lol

  8. Just awesome – such an obvious, understated addiction that so many of us have! You spotlighted this with the humor that it deserves…bravo! I’d love to see the cartoon short for this!!

  9. LaVagabonde says:

    Doan’s Pills….they still make those? Hahaha. Sorry, Van. For your woes and for my snickers. But, seriously, what are in Doan’s Pills anyway? Do they at least give you a slight buzz?

    • Magnesium salycilate…I’d go check the spelling of that…but, maybe not now…lol

      Sadly, no buzz…might just go back to aspirin. Snicker away, Julie, I can take it !! 💕

  10. SwittersB says:

    A profound, frustrating truism: “The body ages; the mind refuses to recognize its limitations.” What the hell happened?!

  11. One of the surest symptoms of aging is back and neck trouble. I once had my neck seize up just by turning my head. WTF? Are you kidding me body? Just pathetic.

    • No kidding, John. The last time this happened..same area affected… I was turning off the gas valve on the BBQ. How complex a motion is that ? It’s always the little things that seem to take us down. But…given the choice between aches and pains vs. serious disease…well, you know. ☺

    • writerinsoul says:

      Haha! I laugh only cuz I know…. I think: of all the stupid things I’ve done, this small, innocuous move is going to be the one to take me out?!

      • Exactly. And how embarrassing is it to have to tell people you put our back getting off the toilet?

      • writerinsoul says:

        People don’t believe the clutzy things I do because I don’t look that way and generally move with some purpose & grace. But I do some weird shit.

      • writerinsoul says:

        I am certain I broke or sprained my baby toe the other year while standing on my left foot and trying to hurriedly stuff my right foot into a tennis shoe in my left hand and having my foot bypass the shoe and slam into a small wooden fence. It took a year to heal and still flares up. I don’t put my shoes on that way any more.

        My bedroom is small and *more than once* trying to move quickly (there’s a potential theme here) around my full-size bed I have caught a foot on hanging blankets and lost my balance, breaking the fall only by hurling my body in the direction of the bed.

        Once, and only once, I stepped out onto the wood porch which had apparently iced over in the night, and my feet went out from under me like a cartoon and I landed hard on my ass. It’s the surprise and loss of one’s dignity that really nails the moment. The sort of move that would make you spontaneously laugh had it happened to *somebody else.*

      • I am quietly laughing to myself but not so loudly that you’d notice. That toe think sounds really painful so I’m not laughing at that one. Much.

      • writerinsoul says:

        We appreciate your restraint. There were definitely bad words involved.

      • I try. I’m not always successful but I try.

      • Point, set and match. Colette. ❤

      • I’m told it’s a trait of a certain astrological sign (mine). Someone walks in grace across the stage, then trips over the microphone cord. ☺

      • writerinsoul says:

        My clutzy moves seem to be mostly offstage in every sense of the word. Fortunately.

      • Ha ha, John. I once dislocated my knee getting out of the shower. I showed up with all these young jocks at the orthopedist in full leg cast and told anyone that asked that I did it bungee jumping. No one challenged. ☺

  12. Your lead caught me in the drive-by reader. I could not resist!

  13. Silver Threading says:

    Oh, Van, I am right there with you. I cannot tell you how many times I have done the same thing… and for a damn coupon! LOL!

  14. gluestickmum says:

    I saw a bike basket with metal frame for £10 – an absolute steal! – in a second hand shop window. Due to the obligations of work/school hours/limited shop opening/the need to pay in CASH, I ended up carrying the basket, the food shop AND a 3-year-old in my quest for a bargain this week. My arms still haven’t recovered and the frame is too long for my bike. Have I learnt? Have I heck!

  15. hahaha Oh van, I hope you feel better soon, don’t get me wrong, but I love how funny this post is – coupon-related injuries, I wonder if there is a clause for this in health insurance… ❤
    Diana xo

  16. Amy says:

    I am cracking up that is so hilarious. I can relate.

  17. C.E.Robinson says:

    Van, don’t ever loose your coupon-clipping humor! Not funny, the muscle strain. But, funny the write-up, “how you got it!” Heal well. Christine

  18. I am adding the potential of severe injury to my long list of why I don’t cut coupons. And do you say kew-pons or coo-pons?

  19. I wish I had read this 30 minutes ago, before I wrestled my stinky 9 year old into the bathtub….heating pad time….I would have done the same with the water…determination?

    • Oh, no…Is it getting warm enough just to hose him down outside ??? lol Maybe determination, maybe just ignoring that “lift with your legs” message. Take care, AoA ☺

      • Well, swimming and hose jumping always counts as a bath, in my book! We still have one full day of school, and I am pretty sure I smelled armpits for the first time yesterday (and it wasn’t me). Lift with your legs;-)…..always

  20. lbeth1950 says:

    But it was a good deal!

  21. mandy says:

    Oh no!!! Can you sue anyone? Just sayin’! 😅 seriously I’m so sorry, Van. But can you? 😘

    • Nah…maybe only the people who led me to believe “Go ahead, you can do it yourself” ??? Looking back, I could have gotten help from a store employee. Bygones. ☺

      • mandy says:

        I hope you know I’m joking 😀 I had a neighbor whom constantly tried to sue stores for her falling down. Her falls were due to her drinking. I’m like you, always try to take a short cut and do it myself! I hope it’s getting better each day !

      • I did know. And thanks, Mandy. Getting better each day. The last time I did this, it took a week or two to fully recover !! ☺

  22. Pingback: The Creative Blogger Award!! | Izzy-grabs-life

  23. While I’ve never sustained an injury with couponing – I can attest to pulling various back muscles while sitting on the couch with my feet up.

    I think the correlating factors here are that I had recently admitted I’ve been holding at 29+ for a decade – but I’m blaming the footstool, not the age faux-pas.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    Turn some of that water into ice, and rotate between hot & cold in muscle therepy. My chiro suggested that, and it made things feel better faster…

    • Thanks, Peg. I have been told about the alternating hot/cold thing…which is great, since I’m never sure which applies !! Starve a cold, feed a fever ??? ☺ Doing better each day.

  24. markbialczak says:

    Word to a peer: “Customer assistance need in aisle four.” Oh, Van, give in to the AARP-ness of we. And never, ever give up the chase for the coupon value.

  25. Ouch! But loved the way you told your story, with humor.

  26. Outlier Babe says:

    D#mnit, you’re funny! The next post or two had better not be, or I will be tempted to follow you, and I simply canNOT follow another blog. I cannot! I’ve done nothing but WP all day except for a tiny amount of time spent on my job. That is ridiculous. Not even writing my own post, mind you.

    So let this one funny post be a fluke.

    (1) I did not see coming the washing down the pain pills with the water. I laughed.
    (2) Like the technique of the last line, and liked the line. Nice.

  27. Reblogged this on vanbytheriver and commented:

    For Leap Day, I want to honor my favorite part of the blogging experience…the comments. WP stats tell me that this silly little post received the most.

  28. Erika Kind says:

    Awh! But you got that deal!!!

  29. hand over those scissors haha

  30. Thanks for the late night chuckles as I go to bed 😄😄

  31. Judy Martin says:

    HAHA! Oh Van, you are so funny! I hope that water tated good after all the trouble you went to to get it! 🙂

  32. How on earth did I miss this post? Been there, done that! Fortunately, without the back spasm, but that was probably just luck. I can get a back spasm just bending over to tie my shoes.

  33. Van, what are you trying to do? Kill us with laughter. Thanks so much for this very funny re-post! I might never have seen it otherwise. 😀

  34. Val Boyko says:

    Hope you feel better soon Van!
    When you are healed.
    Get thee to yoga.
    There are lots of coupons on line!

  35. joey says:

    Oy. In the last few years, I have become a member in the Stretch Club. This applies to before raking and shoveling, but also after walking more than 3 miles.

  36. Hi Van
    Hope you enjoyed your brief trip, if you said where I’ve long forgotten. In life before Lyme I took care of all shopping. I don’t go the super coupon route but I will take it on to provide more for the kids. CVS was the big payoff, every week I spent $40 of items for Shelter. By the time the went on sale, had great coupon, extra monthly rebates. I walked out often owing little or nothing. Maybe I’ll pop back in.
    I’ll get the spark again when I can leave the house, except to travel once a monthXXXXXXCXXX I’m very blessed but taking another full body slam with furniture and falling on old injuries. If you saw me shuffling about with a cane and husband helping me walk, you would say man what’s up with grandmother.
    I only chewed a small bite off ear tonight. While on pain meds, blew up mail on all devices. I hate the long hours of a techie.
    Have a great day.

  37. Too bad you got injured trying to be a wise shopper!

  38. Oh no! The twist and lift move! Takes us down at any age. Great story and I’m sure you are well healed by now!

  39. Nowadays, you don’t even need a coupon…

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