Out of the Cradle

There is a song about being a father that elicits tears.

Every time.

Cat’s In the Cradle, the Grammy winning 1974 rock folk song by Harry Chapin is a haunting vision of life coming full circle.

But as I was looking through a photo album recently, I wondered about the view from the other side.

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away

That photo album was full of special moments, family moments, large and small, where my own husband was not visible. He was off making a living, making a life for his family. It was his belief, his responsibility, his work ethic and life plan.

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”

The messages about what it meant to be a father always involved doing the right thing. Being strong, loyal, steadfast, a provider, a role model. So caught up in the burden of all that, some ignored the emotional connection. Maybe it is easier with a daughter, but to a son, a different vision.

Until later in life, when the pressures ease, the father can relax, can be emotionally available, like never before.

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”

He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And there it was, in the song, and in the life of so many men I’ve known.

He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

Is it ever too late ? I don’t believe so. I watched as older generations of fathers softened, learned to relax, and in the process, managed to heal those relationships.

Wishing you all a Happy Father’s Day.

***************************************************************

Note: Harry Forster Chapin, father of five, based his song on a poem written by his wife, Sandy. He died in a tragic car accident at the age of 38. He left a legacy of songwriting and philanthropy, was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his humanitarian efforts against hunger.

Advertisement